i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
