OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have aggressive nipples.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
