nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
