Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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