shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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