Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
