yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
