I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
