YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
