where does the pee come out of this thing
i just made my gag reflex go away.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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