WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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