what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
