I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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