Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
