i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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