Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
