Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i drank out of a bidet.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
