I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
