it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
