At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
