3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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