Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
