It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
