well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
