You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
