I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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