well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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