bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
