I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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