I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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