well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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