My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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