there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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