Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
