he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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