How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
