the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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