Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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