So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
