I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize