What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
