I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
