i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
