Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
