there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
