apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
