I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Someone signed my nipple.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
