.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
