This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
