Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
