Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Randomize
