I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
