That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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