The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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