The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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