i think i have two assholes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
