we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
