Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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