I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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