how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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