I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
