stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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