He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
