Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
