I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
